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The crisp sandwich is food’s equivalent of selecting your nose. We all do it. Yes, even you. And, particularly in private, it can be a source of extensive satisfaction. However just hardly ever do you find a few brave souls– chapeau!, Jack Monroe, Nadiya Hussain and Emma Freud– going to speak about it in public.

This is a processed-food product so persuasive that even a chef as naturally handcrafted as Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall can not withstand it (” It’s really tough to beat an excellent crisp sandwich.”), yet– bar that curious break out of crisp butty cafes in 2015– we jointly disregard serious analysis of what makes it such a comfort-food classic. We repent. Inhibited by snobbery. Waiting for a Spanish chef to deconstruct it or a hip Williamsburg diner to reassure us it is cool.

But who has time for that? At How to Eat– the series checking out how finest to consume Britain’s preferred foods– there is no regret, only enjoyment. For that reason, let us settle when and for all on the crisp sandwich’s ultimate type.

Naturally, HTE is totally in favour of genuine bread– in the ideal situations. This is not one of them. Put the sourdough back. Step away from the worthwhile loaves. The crisp sandwich is implied to be an uninhibited pig-out, which will be messed up by utilizing earnest wholemeal or seemingly healthy seeded breads. Not only will their flavour container horribly with the crisps, but the pious presence of those self-righteous seeds and grains will cast a distressed pall over proceedings, as if the bread is judging your filling and finding it wantonly gluttonous.

Rather, you require a mass-produced white chopped loaf that, in its milky blandness, will provide more cushioning texture than flavour. It ought to be a neutral delivery lorry for your selected crisp.

Not all supermarket loaves are created equal. Lots of are as light and airy as packaging foam, with none of its resilience. These delicate breads break down at the very first flash of a butter knife. Preferably, you wish to by force squash the top layer of your sandwich down as you make it, to mould it around the crisps, so it nicely maintains them as you eat. For that, you need fairly dense squishy bread, such as Jackson’s white bloomer or– if you can stomach the company’s ₤ 25,000 donation to the Conservative celebration in 2010– possibly the world’s finest crisp-sandwich bread, Warburtons toastie loaf.

If using a less politically compromised cob, bap or roll, prevent those with firm crusts that need you to tear at them. You will spread crisp shrapnel everywhere. Because regard, a baguette is the least-practical crisp sandwich bread. Do not consider toasting your bread. This is already a dry sandwich.

Spread

Like much of the very best things in life, a crisp sandwich requires lubrication. Eventually, you will slather your slice with what you can pay for. Margarine works, particularly on a crisp sandwich. It oils the wheels of mastication without positively boosting flavour. However if you do have a pound or three spare, HTE is unbending in its view that butter is among the very best financial investments in the supermarket chiller cabinet. Yes, its abundant creaminess is a marginal gain in this context. However what is the pursuit of perfection if not the painstaking build-up of such gains?


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2.1v3h-1.8 c-1 0-1.2.5 -1.2 1.3 v1.8 h3l -.1 2.8 z “> Facebook < svg width=" 32" height=" 32" viewbox=" -2 -2 32 32" class= "inline-share-twitter __ svg inline-icon __ svg" >< course d =" M21.3 10.5 v. 5c0 4.7-3.5 10.1-9.9 10.1-2 0-3.8 -.6 -5.3 -1.6.3 0.6.1.8.1 1.6 0 3.1 -.6 4.3-1.5 -1.5 0-2.8 -1 -3.3 -2.4.2 0.4.1.7.1 l. 9 -.1 c-1.6 -.3 -2.8 -1.8 -2.8 -3.5.5.3 1.4 1.6.4 -.9 -.6 -1.6 -1.7 -1.6 -2.9 0 -.6.2 -1.3.5 -1.8 1.7 2.1 4.3 3.6 7.2 3.7 -.1 -.3 -.1 -.5 -.1 -.8 0-2 1.6-3.5 3.5-3.5 1 0 1.9.4 2.5 1.1.8 -.1 1.5 -.4 2.2 -.8 -.3.8 -.8 1.5-1.5 1.9.7 -.1 1.4 -.3 2 -.5 -.4.4 -1 1-1.7 1.5 z" > Twitter< a class =" rounded-icon block-share __ product block-share __ product-- pinterest js-blockshare-link "href= "http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/button/?description=How%20to%20eat%3A%20a%20crisp%20sandwich&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theguardian.com%2Ffood%2F2019%2Fdec%2F05%2Fhow-to-eat-a-crisp-sandwich%3Fpage%3Dwith%3Aimg-2%23img-2&media=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.guim.co.uk%2F47d4a01ef078dd308fff39e77893fdec33cbcaad%2F576_143_5440_3266%2F5440.jpg" target =" _ blank "data-link-name =" social pinterest" >< svg viewbox= "0 0 32 32" width=" 32" height=" 32 "class=" inline-share-pinterest __ svg inline-icon __ svg" >< course d=" M16.363 8C12.133 8 10 11.13 10 13.74 c0 1.582.58 2.988 1.823 3.512.204.086.387.003.446 -.23.04 -.16.137 -.568.18 -.737.06 -.23.037 -.312 -.127 -.513 -.36 -.436 -.588 -1 -.588 -1.802 0-2.322 1.684-4.402 4.384-4.402 2.39 0 3.703 1.508 3.703 3.522 0 2.65-1.136 4.887-2.822 4.887 -.93 0-1.628 -.795 -1.405 -1.77.268 -1.165.786 -2.42.786 -3.262 0 -.752 -.39 -1.38 -1.2 -1.38 -.952 0-1.716 1.017-1.716 2.38 0.867.284 1.454.284 1.454l-1.146 5.006 c -.34 1.487 -.05 3.31 -.026 3.493.014.108.15.134.21.05.09 -.117 1.223-1.562 1.61-3.006.108 -.41.625 -2.526.625 -2.526.31.61 1.215 1.145 2.176 1.145 2.862 0 4.804-2.693 4.804-6.298 C22 10.54 19.763 8 16.363 8" > Pinterest The idea that on a crisp butty of all things, you would deny yourself butter on health premises and rather subject yourself to one of the light ‘n’ spreadable, sterol-and-stanol, I-never-believed-it-wasn’ t-butter-vegetable-oil choices is baffling. You. Are. Eating. A. Crisp. Sandwich. The boat has actually sailed on high blood pressure. Its salt levels will be inappropriate to all physician. Your arterial health is a mishap waiting to occur. We are dying. Every day. Accept that truth or this endeavour will have been a relative wild-goose chase. And calories. For a reduced flavour reward. The crisp sandwich is an all-in, sod-the-consequences dedication. There are multiple things incorrect with this Sainsbury’s dish( onion, tomato, gherkins, salad leaves!), but maybe the worst is its usage of saltless butter.




 dictionary meaning of a false economy. HTE refuses to get into an argument about whether extruded corn

treats are crisps or not. It will not indulge Pringles pedants, who refuse to acknowledge a product including rice flour and wheat starch mixed into a dehydrated potato base. Rather, HTE takes the following highly unscientific position: is it in the crisp aisle in the supermarket? It is a crisp. Yes, even the nuts and Mini Cheddars. That settled, definitely we can all concur that “fluffy” crisps– Beast Munch, Skips, spicy Nik Naks, Quavers, Chipsticks, generic tacky balls– have no function to play in a crisp sandwich? The flavour strength of Wotsits makes them tempting, and Exhausts taste more like bacon than bacon. But you require a crisp that uses a definitive crunch and clear textural contrast here.

Not corn snacks that, when sandwiched between 2 pieces of bread, produce what seems like a mouthful of cotton wool.< div class=" block-share block-share-- short article hide-on-mobile" data-link-name=" block share "> < svg width=" 32 "height=" 32" viewbox =" -2 -2 32 32" class =" inline-share-facebook __ svg inline-icon __ svg" >< path d =" M17.9 14h-3v8H12v-8h-2v-2.9 h2V8.7 C12 6.8 13.1 5 16 5c1.2 0 2.1 2.1v3h-1.8 c-1 0-1.2.5 -1.2 1.3 v1.8 h3l -.1 2.8 z" > Facebook < path d =" M21.3 10.5 v. 5c0 4.7-3.5 10.1-9.9 10.1-2 0-3.8 -.6 -5.3 -1.6.3 0.6.1.8.1 1.6 0 3.1 -.6 4.3-1.5 -1.5 0-2.8 -1 -3.3 -2.4.2 0.4.1.7.1 l. 9 -.1 c-1.6 -.3 -2.8 -1.8 -2.8 -3.5.5.3 1.4 1.6.4 -.9 -.6 -1.6 -1.7 -1.6 -2.9 0 -.6.2 -1.3.5 -1.8 1.7 2.1 4.3 3.6 7.2 3.7 -.1 -.3 -.1 -.5 -.1 -.8 0-2 1.6-3.5 3.5-3.5 1 0 1.9.4 2.5 1.1.8 -.1 1.5 -.4 2.2 -.8 -.3.8 -.8 1.5-1.5 1.9.7 -.1 1.4 -.3 2 -.5 -.4.4 -1 1-1.7 1.5 z" > Twitter< a class=" rounded-icon block-share __ item block-share __ item-- pinterest js-blockshare-link "href=" http://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/button/?description=How%20to%20eat%3A%20a%20crisp%20sandwich&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theguardian.com%2Ffood%2F2019%2Fdec%2F05%2Fhow-to-eat-a-crisp-sandwich%3Fpage%3Dwith%3Aimg-3%23img-3&media=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.guim.co.uk%2F53d3e0d0c7457b842294ba4a6cec4e8f49af6936%2F0_139_4256_2554%2F4256.jpg" target=" _ blank" data-link-name =" social pinterest" >< svg viewbox= "0 0 32 32 "width=" 32" height=" 32" class=" inline-share-pinterest __ svg inline-icon __ svg "> < course d=" M16.363 8C12.133 8 10 11.13 10 13.74 c0 1.582.58 2.988 1.823 3.512.204.086.387.003.446 -.23.04 -.16.137 -.568.18 -.737.06 -.23.037 -.312 -.127 -.513 -.36 -.436 -.588 -1 -.588 -1.802 0-2.322 1.684-4.402 4.384-4.402 2.39 0 3.703 1.508 3.703 3.522 0 2.65-1.136 4.887-2.822 4.887 -.93 0-1.628 -.795 -1.405 -1.77.268 -1.165.786 -2.42.786 -3.262 0 -.752 -.39 -1.38 -1.2 -1.38 -.952 0-1.716 1.017-1.716 2.38 0.867.284 1.454.284 1.454l-1.146 5.006 c -.34 1.487 -.05 3.31 -.026 3.493.014.108.15.134.21.05.09 -.117 1.223-1.562 1.61-3.006.108 -.41.625 -2.526.625 -2.526.31.61 1.215 1.145 2.176 1.145 2.862 0 4.804-2.693 4.804-6.298 C22 10.54 19.763 8 16.363 8" > Pinterest Fluffy crisps share that dehydration concern with, at the other severe, Doritos, Scampi Fries and Mini Cheddars. Yes, they all pack plenty of crunch, but they do not have the palpable easy-eating greasiness of mainstream crisps. A Mini Cheddar sandwich relies on claggy putty in the mouth. You would need numerous pints of water to ascertain. For various factors, HTE is likewise ruling out posher “hand-cooked” crisps in the Kettle sphere and upwards. Typically, they are too thick and stiff in a sandwich( yes, there is such a thing as too crunchy) and, in the case of Tyrells,

their pure flavours develop a mental dissonance. In a crisp sandwich, you do not desire crisps that in fact taste of the marketed ingredients. If you wanted a tacky flavour, you would make a cheese sandwich. Rather, you want that lab-refined synthetic cheese-style cheese-and-onion flavour profile that, while it owes little to nature, wows on its own terms. That is the curious paradox at the heart of the crisp sandwich: it works best when you include crisps that mimic sandwich ingredient flavours, so roast chicken, salt and vinegar( chip butty), smoky bacon or cheese and onion, rather than sweet chilli or prawn mixed drink. But you likewise want those flavours delivered at the heightened, entirely artificial, level of intensity that just the cleverest boffins of the food-industrial complex can attain utilizing ingenious mixes of yeast extract, citric acid, garlic powder, dried cheese “cheese flavour” and umami disodium 5′- ribonucleotide.

The crisp-sandwich-filling sweet spot, then, is to be discovered in a mainline bag of Walkers (other brand names are readily available) or, another minimal but essential gain, in somewhat thicker ridge-cut crisps such as Seabrook ascending to the– fans self!.?.!!– favorably hunky McCoy’s. Company and muscular, yet given to melting greasily in the mouth, the all-powerful salt and vinegar McCoy’s is, maybe, the supreme crisp sandwich filling.

Note: never utilize ready-salted crisps. Too parsimonious. There isn’t a war on. Yet.

If you are going the full home-cooked-potato-sandwich hog, different guidelines apply. But it is extremely tough to moderately use Tommy K or hot sauce without drowning the crisp’s flavour. You are now eating a catsup or hot sauce sandwich with crispy bits. That is incorrect.

If the butter has been applied liberally enough (if not, why not?), there should be no need for mayo, much less salad cream. Regular readers will understand that HTE is unapologetically happy with its working-class origins. But a particular reverse snobbery connects itself to salad cream. Salad cream is the point at which clinging to your roots reveals a debilitating lack of ambition and interest, and a refusal to envisage a larger world of possibilities.

Is it embarassment, shame or a desperate need to create brand-new material that influences guidance on how to “pimp” a crisp butty or “take your crisp sandwich video game to the next-level”? HTE can not say.

How to consume: a steak sandwich

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What it does know is that the majority of the frequently added extras– cold, clammy ham; thick, gluey peanut butter; overpoweringly vinegary pickles– actively interfere with the sandwich. As do attempts to provide it a premium spin. The crisp sandwich does not need brie, bacon jam or rocket. Or caviar. It does not need to justify itself on food lover terms. Go down that route– according to Burts steak and stilton recipe with sea salt and peppercorn crisps– and the crisps quickly become a mere flavoring on a completely different sandwich. That is, as the late Amy Winehouse utilized to like sliced on top, bananas.

A little extra-mature cheddar brings higher depth to a cheese-and-onion crisp sandwich, however even that it is far from important.

Strangely enough (it’s the bread), while HTE would never ever consume a bag of crisps with a brew– that needs beer or soda– the crisp sandwich weeps out for a steaming mug of something brick red and deeply tannic that you might plot on axes identified Yorkshire Tea and M&S Additional Strong.

The crisp sandwich: how do you eat yours?

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