In an eviscerating, hilarious monologue, Stephen Colbert unloaded the more than 8 hours of testament from Christine Blasey Ford and implicated sexual assailant Brett Kavanaugh.Said Colbert:”Her testimony was deeply moving. Don’t take my word for it– ask the liberal snowflakes over at Fox News.”Colbert then played a clip of FOX News pundits lauding Ford’s trustworthiness which finished with Chris Wallace stating, “This is a catastrophe for the Republicans.”Quipped Colbert:”Although, to be reasonable, their last disaster is president today.”Colbert included that Ford’s “statement was believable and heartbreaking, and word is Trump was telling people he’s furious what
White Home assistants didn’t have advance understanding of how credible Ford would seem. “Trump telling individuals he’s furious that WH assistants didn’t have advance understanding of how trustworthy Ford would seem, per 2nd source– Gabriel Sherman(@gabrielsherman) September 27, 2018 Replied Colbert, in Trump voice:”
Look, how come none of you informed me it was possible to speak without awkward yourself?”Colbert went on to evaluate Dianne Feinstein’s assertion that it was not a trial
of Dr. Ford but a task interview for Kavanaugh, and buffooned Chuck Grassley’s attempt to be accommodating to Ford, telling her to let
him understand if there’s anything she needs.Said Colbert:”Okay, how about an FBI investigation? “Colbert likewise noted that Ford stated she didn’t require a break since she had coffee:”All she required was coffee!.?.!? I was just viewing, and I required a venti Xanax.”Ford likewise extremely scientifically explained to Feinstein how she knew it was Kavanaugh who was
trying to rape here: “The manner in which I’m sure I’m talking to you right now, it’s simply standard memory functions and likewise just the level of norepinephrine and epinephrine in the brain.That neurotransmitter encodes memories into the hippocampus so that trauma-related experience is locked there, so other memories simply wander. “Responded Colbert: “Whaaaaat? Damn. Dr. Ford simply dropped some understanding and spit some neuroscience!”Colbert then looked at the grilling of Ford by district attorney Rachel Mitchell, who tried to get Ford on her worry of flying.Said Colbert:”So what? Hesitating of flying does not indicate you never fly. It implies you hate it while you’re doing it, like everybody else– in coach.”Senator Orrin Hatch was asked to respond to the Ford testament and called her”appealing”and”pleasing,” while Lindsey Graham threatened Democrats to “keep an eye out for your nominees “if this
is the “new standard. “Snapped Colbert:”Yeah Democrats. If you’re not cautious, quite quickly there will be no– accused– sex transgressors– in federal government!”See: Colbert then transferred to Kavanaugh’s statement in his protection of “among the longest days I can keep in mind … and I’ve been to a Renaissance fair.”Kavanaugh blamed the Clintons for his treatment, saying, “The entire two-week effort has been a computed and orchestrated political hit, fueled with apparent bottled-up anger about President Trump and the 2016 election, fear that has been unjustly
stired about my judiciary record, vengeance on behalf of the Clintons.”Colbert described:”I will be a non-biased and impartial
judge, just an umpire calling balls and strikes being privately tossed by George Soros and Hillary Clinton. “Colbert likewise took a look at Kavanaugh’s claim that”The behavior of several Democratic members of this committee at my hearing a couple of weeks ago was a shame. However a minimum of it was simply a great old fashioned effort at Borking.”
Said Colbert: “Sir, we’re here due to the fact that of accusations of non-consensual Borking.”Colbert also noted the numerous times Kavanaugh stated he enjoyed beer.Mocked the Late Show host:”
I have actually partied with Spuds Mackenzie. I have partied with the Budweiser frogs. I have actually ridden on that Silver Bullet train. Any beer business out there trying to find a spokesman you understand where to find me. Dilly dilly wasssuuuuuup. “When asked if he’s ever blacked out on alcohol, Kavanaugh replied,” I have actually gone to sleep. I have actually never ever blacked out.”
Quipped Colbert:”After all, isn’t one man’s blackout another guy’s
street nap ?”Colbert also looked at Lindsey Graham’s temper tantrum. He “went off.”Replied Colbert:”Wow. Somebody truly grew a pair when the frightening doctor girl left the space.”But Colbert’s explanation for Kavanaugh’s “boofing “yearbook line, which the judge explained referred to “farting, “was actually something:”If you look it up online, boofing describes the practice of anally ingesting alcohol or
drugs. “Finally, Colbert concluded by looking at Kavanaugh’s warning that the country would “gain the whirlwind”for years to come if he’s not raised to SCOTUS.Said Colbert
: “You actually require a better weatherman since-let me inform bro, this is the
whirlwind. And the wind was planted when Donald Trump had 19 trustworthy claims of sexual attack against him, bragged about sexual attack on tape, and your Republican friends up on that committee said,’ Yeah, but we desire our man on the Supreme Court.’
Which’s you, Brett. That does not mean you’re guilty, but please, conserve your indignation that finally somebody is taking one woman’s allegation of sexual attack seriously.
” See:
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